Coach Ron Mills Blog

Like every person who has ever lived, I have made plenty of mistakes when it comes to having successful relationships be that with siblings, parents, friends or a  partner.

As I thought about writing this blog, I contemplated what was a key element that seemed to repeatedly bring division and pain into my various relationships with family and friends over the years.

Fear is obviously a big reason that causes relationships to stumble. Fear of something that happened in the past repeating in the future such as rejection, abandonment, infidelity, or abuse. Certain fears are useful for survival, but many are embellished in our minds and damage what’s happening in the present moment.

How many people are afraid to ask another out or to simply buy her a drink due to fear of rejection? How many pepole are afraid to fully trust another because of fear of infidelity or abandonment? The list can go on and on with various relationship scenarios.

So what are some things that can break the grip of fear in relationships?

In my opinion, I would say being vulnerable and unselfish can enhance the quality of any relationship. I already see the fear factor raising in everyone reading this! Vulnerable? Unselfish? Those things feel more like weaknesses, not strengths! On the surface, yes, but this is about something much deeper and much more powerful.

When you become more open and vulnerable, you become more approachable and human. You show a softer side beyond the masks of career or position in society. You create space for the other person to put their fears aside and reach across to connect with you. Together you create a bridge of strength in the relationship.

Similarly, when you begin to give, love and act selflessly, relationships have room to blossom. You give and do without any expectation in return. You show love as an action in spite of your feelings.

Yes, this is against all typical reasoning that says, “I give this so I can get that”. However, showing love without selfishness can be transformational. How many relationships between parents and children or couples and spouses could be improved by simply letting go of selfish words, actions,  habits and behaviors?

Choosing to love through your actions regardless of your feelings is probably the highest expression of selfless, unconditional love humanly possible. Our greatest model for this is God and how he loves us.

Today, I encourage you to take a moment to evaluate your current level of vulnerability and selflessness in your relationships.

What areas can you open up to allow others to see you more authentically?  What ways can you act in love unselfishly regardless of how you may be feeling or the other person may be behaving?


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