Do You Want To Be A Winner

Let’s take a moment and examine the nature of using powerful thought to WIN.
Do you know anyone who always wins? Sure you know that person, everything just works out for them. They go into business and they are an instant success. They enter the dating scene and their phone rings off the hook. If they were in the Olympics, you just know they wouldn’t settle for anything less than the gold. It seems as though they always win.
Why is it that some people just have IT and others seem not to? Want to learn the secret to their success? Ready? Here it comes….the secret to unstoppable success…drum roll please….
Winners EXPECT to win!
That’s the big secret. Simple, huh?
But, think about it for a moment…Winners actually SEE their success BEFORE it happens! Do YOU expect to win?
BEFORE you have even entered a situation…or do you assess your chances AFTER you are already in the situation? Or, even worse, do you imagine failure?
BEFORE selling a piece of real estate, winners EXPECT to get their asking price. BEFORE buying a car, winners EXPECT to get a discount. Before running an Olympic race, winners EXPECT TO WIN the gold, so they do win! This one small thing gives winners a tremendous advantage over others.
Want to be a winner?
Try this exercise…
Close your eyes for a full minute and THINK about achieving a goal in your life…go ahead, close your eyes for one minute and really THINK about achieving it.
OK, now close your eyes again for one full minute and EXPECT to get it.
Did you notice a difference? When we simply THINK about getting something, our thoughts tend to be vague. There are also two options…getting it or not getting it (winning or losing). But, when we EXPECT to get it, there is only one possibility…getting it (winning).
So now that you know the secret, the next step is applying your powerful knowledge and getting yourself to that point where YOU ALWAYS EXPECT TO WIN. I suggest that you take a full minute pause right before entering any challenging situation. During that minute, close your eyes, and imagine winning.
See it, feel it, hear it, imagine yourself already having won. Guess what…you will have programmed your mind to pull you powerfully in the winning direction. When you do enter that situation, your words and actions will be generated from a winning mindset. Your path will be straight to victory…you will already know the way and EXPECT to get there…so you WILL get there.
Keep moving forward!
Sincerely,
Dr. Steve

What is a True Friend





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Tyler Perry is a famous actor and comedian based in Atlanta, Georgia.  Growing up, he was raised predominately by southern African-American women, and that’s who many of his characters are based upon.  His most famous character, Madea, who is played by himself dressed in women’s clothing, is a combination of everyone’s mother and grandmother.  Madea says that friends and relationships are like trees.  Some friends, Madea says, are like leaves.  They drink our water and hang out on our branches, but they’re gone with the wind.  We have thousands of those types of leaves.  Some friends are like branches, they’re there for the majority of the time but when things get rough and the storms come, they’re breaking off.  We have a couple dozen of those. But our true friends, our brothers and sisters, are our roots.  They come few and far between, and they’ll never leave us no matter what happens until our dying day.

The end of a relationship or marriage can feel like death

The end of a relationship or marriage can feel like death. Grief is an appropriate response. This means anger, sadness, denial might all arise.
It’s visceral. Breathing is hard. You can’t sleep. For the person being left it can feel like the end of the world. You wonder if you’ll even survive. To say you’re hurt and confused or angry is too little. It feels much bigger; like everything has been turned upside down and shaken, like the ground has disappeared under your feet.
Along with negotiating urgent practical matters like finances, housing and parenting, you might also come face to face with abandonment, rejection and self-esteem issues, some of which may have been dormant and are arising for the first time.
This is a very, very tender spot to find yourself. It’s immensely uncomfortable. In my work as a counsellor I notice patterns and common tendencies in my clients. I’ve also identified opportunities and choice-points for moving forward in a healthy way. Here are five principles that can help –
1. Feel what you feel
Feelings aren’t negotiable. They can’t be wrong. They simply are. It’s important to feel what you feel. When we deny uncomfortable emotions they come back to haunt us, or they drive our behaviour from underneath consciousness, without our active consent. Rule of thumb – there’s no need to either encourage or deny feelings. Notice them, name them (“I feel sad”) and watch them change over time. Note – Anger is a feeling. Fear is a feeling. Sadness is a feeling. “S/He’s a control freak” isn’t a feeling. (More on that in a future article.)
2. Take thoughtful action
We don’t necessarily choose our feelings, although we choose how we act on them. As much as noticing our feelings is important, it would be a mistake to act on them without consulting our rational, thinking self. The trouble is, when strong feelings are present we don’t have much access to the part of our brain that makes well-considered choices. Take some time. Let feelings settle before you make important decisions around child custody, financial agreements or emails to the inlaws. Breathe.
3. Get support, but not from your (ex)partner
The person who is leaving the relationship is almost certainly not the person to help you cope with the pain you feel. You might feel extremely needy or drawn to this person right now. Do not give in to the urge to seek comfort there, especially if it is not offered. If you are holding out hope for reconciliation, say so, but then get support elsewhere. Seeing you pick yourself up, brush yourself off and take support from others is the most attractive thing about you right now in your (ex)partner’s eyes. Turn to friends, family and community for support. Tell them what helps, and what doesn’t. Find a counsellor or therapist that you trust.
4. Stay open, even when it hurts
When we feel hurt and angry we look for an explanation. We want to understand. We assume we shouldn’t feel this way, that it’s a big problem. And so we search for a reason. The reason we find is almost always some version of I’m bad or They’re bad or The world is bad. What these three positions all offer is a way out of the confusion. Assigning cause (blame) does relieve some tension. The problem is that each of these three beliefs locks us into an adversarial relationship – with self, with other, or with reality (the world). I’m not saying that your relationship ending wasn’t caused by you or them or the unfairness of the world. But getting too fixated on any of those causes makes you rigid and closed to possibilities that might be just around the corner.
5. Help others
This piece of advice was given to me by a friend over a decade ago when a relationship was ending and I was in deep pain. His simple and wise words led me to the act of writing this for you now. Helping others gets us out of our own head and puts us in direct contact with the universal experience of suffering. Everybody hurts. Help someone. Share their pain, and feel your own soften.
Also see 7 Stages of Greif  

5 Things, Your Life Is More Off Course Than You Think

Despite turbulence and other conditions keeping airplanes off course 90 percent of flight time, most flights arrive in the correct destination at the intended time.




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Despite turbulence and other conditions keeping airplanes off course 90 percent of flight time, most flights arrive in the correct destination at the intended time.
The reason for this phenomenon is quite simple -- through air traffic control and the inertial guidance system, pilots are constantly course correcting. When immediately addressed, these course corrections are not hard to manage. When these course corrections don't regularly happen, catastrophe can result.
For example, in 1979, a passenger jet with 257 people on board left New Zealand for a sightseeing flight to Antarctica and back. However, the pilots were unaware that someone had altered the flight coordinates by a measly two degrees, which would put the plane 28 miles east of where the pilots assumed it was going to be.
Approaching Antarctica, the pilots descended to give the passengers a view of the brilliant landscapes. Sadly, the incorrect coordinates had placed them directly in the path of the active volcano Mount Erebus.
The snow on the volcano blended with the clouds above, deceiving the pilots into thinking they were flying above flat ground. When the instruments sounded a warning of the quickly rising ground, it was too late. The plane crashed into the volcano, killing everyone on board.
An error of only a few degrees brought about an enormous tragedy.
Small things -- if not corrected -- become big things, always.
This flight is an analogy of our lives. Even seemingly inconsequential aspects of our lives can create ripples and waves of consequence -- for better or for worse.
How are you piloting your life?
What feedback are you receiving to correct your course?
How often do you check your guidance system? Do you even have a guidance system?
Where is your destination?
When are you going to get there?
Are you currently off course? How long have you been off course?
How would you know if you are on the right course?
How can you minimize the turbulence and other conditions distracting your path?

1. Organizing Your Life

I don't think I'm alone in being slightly scattered and sloppy about certain areas of my life.
Life is busy.
It's hard to keep everything organized and tidy. And maybe you don't want to have an organized life. But moving forward will require far less energy if you remove the excessive baggage and tension. Everything in your life is energy. If you're carrying too much -- physical or emotional -- your progress will be hampered.
In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective PeopleStephen Covey explains that some things are important and some things are urgent. Most people spend their life prioritizing urgent and "shallow" activity (e.g., answering emails, putting out proverbial fires, and just day-to-day stuff).
Very few people have organized their lives to prioritize almost exclusively important and "deep" activity (e.g., learning, health, relationships, travel, and goals).
No one cares about your success more than you do. If you're not a meticulous accountant about the important details of your life, then you aren't responsible enough to have what you say you want.
So how do you organize your life?

Environmental energy

Is your living space cluttered and messy or simple and neat?
Do you keep stuff (like clothes) you no longer use?
If you have a car, is it clean or just another place to keep your clutter and garbage?
Does your environment facilitate the emotions you consistently want to experience?
Does your environment drain or improve your energy?

Financial energy

Do you have unnecessary debt?
Do you know how many dollars you spend each month?
Do you know how many dollars you make each month?
Are you making as much money as you'd like to be?
What's holding you back from creating more value in other people's lives?
Most people don't track their expenses. But if they did, they'd be shocked at how much money they waste on stuff like eating out.
I'll be honest. As a creative and right-brained person, administrative and logistical details bog me down. I procrastinate and avoid them. But this lackluster behavior is holding me back from the very goals I'm trying to accomplish.
Until I can home in on my finances, I won't have a healthier financial life, regardless of my income. Until I take complete responsibility of my finances, I'll always be a slave to money.
And so will you.

Relational energy

Are your relationships the most meaningful and enjoyable part of your life?
Do you spend enough time nurturing the relationships that really matter?
Do you maintain toxic relationships that no longer serve you?
Are you authentic and honest in your relationships?
Like money, most people's relationships are not organized in a conscious manner. But with something so critical, we should take better stock of our relationships.

Health energy

Do you eat with the end in mind?
Are you conscious of and in control of the foods you put in your body?
Does the food you eat improve or worsen the other areas of your life?
Does your body reflect your highest ideals?
Is your body as strong and fit as you want it to be?
Are you healthier now than you were three months ago?
Health is wealth. If you're bedridden, who cares how organized the other areas of your life are? It's so easy to put our health on the side, such as forgoing sleep, overconsuming stimulants, and making poor eating habits.
Little things become big things. And eventually everything catches up.

Spiritual energy

Do you have a sense of purpose in life?
Have you come to terms with life and death in a way you resonate with?
How much power do you have in designing your future?
Death, it turns out, is not your greatest fear. Actually, your greatest fear is reaching death and having never truly lived.
When you organize your spiritual life, you become clear on what your life is about. You become clear on what you stand for, and how you want to spend each day. You develop conviction for what really matters to you, and what is a distraction.
Well defined or not, everyone has a moral system governing their behavior. Most people believe in being honest and decent. But until you organize your spiritual life, you'll experience internal conflict because you'll act contrary to your values and vision.

Time

How much of your time do you feel in complete control of?
Is your time being wasted on things you don't intrinsically enjoy?
Are the activities you spend your time doing moving you toward your ideal future?
Are you spending most of your time furthering your own agenda or someone else's?
What activities should you remove from your life?
How much time do you waste each day?
What would your ideal day look like?
What activities could you outsource or automate that take up your time?
Until you organize your time, it will disappear and move quickly. Before you know it, you'll wonder where all the time went.
Once you organize your time, it will slow down. You'll be able to live more presently. You'll be able to experience time as you want to. You'll control your time rather than the other way around.

Stop what you're doing and get organized

Getting organized and conscious of your present circumstances (e.g., your environment, finances, relationships, purpose, and time) puts you in a position to build toward the future you want.
The fastest way to move forward in life is not doing more. It starts with stopping the behaviors holding you back.
If you want to get in shape, you'll make more progress by stopping your negative behaviors than starting good ones. So, before you start exercising, purge the junk food from your diet. Until you stop the damage, you'll always be taking one step forward and one step backward.
Before you focus on making more money, reduce your spending. Detach yourself from needing more and become content with what you have. Until you do this, it doesn't matter how much money you make. You'll always spend what you have (or more).
This is a matter of stewardship. Rather than wanting more, more, more, it's key to take proper care of what you currently have. Organize yourself. Dial it in. Your life is a garden. What good is planting if you don't prepare the soil and remove the weeds?
Why do most people stay stuck? They never organize. They try adding more, or being more productive, or taking a different approach. So before you "hustle," get organized.

2. Plan and Invest in Your Future

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."  -- Chinese proverb
Taking these foundational areas of life and organizing them is essential to creating your ideal future.
Very few people consciously plan and design their life. It's actually startling how fewAmericans are investing in their future. Most Millennials are terrified of the stock market and long-term investing. Most Baby Boomers never developed the discipline to invest, but instead maintained an addiction to American consumption.
Even still, you have complete power over the details of your life the moment you decide you're worthy of that power. That decision is manifest in tangible behaviors, like fixing or removing troubled relationships and saying no to activities that are nothing more than a waste of your time.
You get to decide right now.
"If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!" -- Benjamin Franklin
Your vision should be based on your whynot so much your what.
Your why is your reason; your what is how that is manifest. And your what can happen in a ton of different ways. For example, my why is to help people get clarity on the life they want to live, and to help them achieve their goals as quickly as possible. My what could be blogging, parenting, being a student, going out to dinner, and several other things.
Too many people think creating a vision is about nailing down exactly what they want in the next 20 years. The problem with this mega long-term approach to goal setting is that it actually slows your potential.
Instead of having a pre-set plan of what he wants to do, Tim Ferriss executes on three- to six-month experiments that he's currently excited about. He told Darren Hardy in an interview that he has no clue what the outcome of his experiments might be. So there's no point in making long-term plans. He has no clue what doors will open up, and he wants to be open to the best possibilities.
But his why doesn't change.
When you are proactively creating and collaborating with many different people, the whole becomes different and better than the sum of its parts. This is why you can't plan for everything. Because at the highest level, you've transcended your need to have things exactly how you want them. You know that with the help of other people, you can do things 10x, 100x, or 1,000x bigger and better than you could ever conceive of on your own.
Rather than expecting a particular outcome, you are completely confident that the best outcome will ensue. This is how you create and contribute beyond anything you could ever comprehend. Collaboration and synergy lead to innovations and, ultimately, human evolution. It's how the old and outdated rules are redefined and replaced with new and better ones, thus changing the global environment.

Invest in your future

When you choose to forgo momentary gratification in order to have an enhanced future, you are investing in your future. Most people fail to do this successfully.
Most people don't purposefully invest in their finances, relationships, health, and time. But when you invest in yourself (and your future),you ensure your future present moments will continue to get richer and more enjoyable.
Thus your life will continue getting better and more in line with your ideal vision.

3. Tracking Important Metrics

"When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates." -- Thomas Monson
Getting organized and investing in your future are futile if you're not tracking. In regards to the most important areas of your life, you need to be on top of what's going on.
Tracking is difficult. If you've tried it before, chances are, you quit within a few days.
Research has repeatedly found that when behavior is tracked and evaluated, it improves drastically.
If you're not tracking the key areas of your life, than you're probably more off course than you think. If you were to be honest with yourself, you would be stunned at how out of control things have become. As J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, said:
"The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it."
The cool part is, once you get organized, make a plan, and start tracking, desired change happens quickly.
Track the things that are closely related to your core priorities. As Jim Collins says in Good to Great, "If you have more than three priorities you have none." Your priorities reflect your why. Thus, your life should be build around your priorities. Not the other way around. Consequently, if you're serious about improving upon the foundation of your life, track your priorities. For example:
  1. Your key relationships
  2. Your business and finances
  3. Self-improvement (such as health or how you use your time)
You can track whatever priorities you have. But I can absolutely promise you that once you do, your conscious awareness of these things will increase. Your ability to control these things will enhance. Your confidence will wax strong. And your life will become simpler.
You'll be living a simple yet organized and refined life. You'll be responsible, which put another way is freedom.

4. Prayer and Meditation to Reduce Noise

"I have so much to do today that I'm going to need to spend three hours in prayer in order to be able to get it all done." -- Martin Luther
There's a lot of emphasis on hustle these days.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.
But all the hustle in the wrong direction isn't going to help you. Yes, by hustling you can fail often, fail fast, and fail forward. However, as Thomas Merton has said:
"People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall."
This happens way too often. We get caught in the thick of thin thingsFar too late do we realize that in our mad rush, we were pursuing someone else's goals instead of our own.
But spending a large chunk of time in prayer or meditation does more than provide clarity to what you're doing. These things open your mind up to possibilities you can't get while busy.
For example, a few days ago I spent the entire morning praying, thinking deeply, listening to inspirational music, and writing in my journal. A few hours into this process, an idea came to me that is absolute gold.
I also got insights regarding important relationships during that time, and I immediately sent out emails or texts to those people. Amazing collaborations and mentorships were the resultant outcome.
But there's more.
Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. They actually govern not only you but also those around you. Think about it. If you think positively about the people you're around, their lives are better. This is why people "send positive energy" or pray for other people. It actually makes a difference.
Your thoughts create endless ripples -- even waves -- of consequence all around you.
While praying or meditating for a large portion of time, the level of your thoughts will elevate. And interesting things will begin happening. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of miracles, you can think of it as luck.
Whatever you call it, when you spend large portions of time every day in deep reflection mode, luck strikes. Stuff happens that is completely outside of your control for your benefit.
For instance, during my deep dive into my mind and soul, one of my favorite authors came across my blog. He retweeted one of my articles and reached out to me. Now we're friends and have spent several hours on the phone together.
If you're skeptical of these ideas, give prayer or meditation a try. Why do you think the majority of the world's most successful have rituals such as these? There is a higher realm you can tap into that unlocks limitless possibilities.
The only thing holding you back from those things is your mind.

5. Move Toward Your Goals Every Single Day

How many days go by where you did nothing to move toward your big goals?
Probably too many.
Life is busy.
If you don't purposefully carve time out every day to progress and improve, then without question, your time will get lost in the vacuum of our increasingly crowded lives. Before you know it, you'll be old and withered, wondering where all that time went.
As Harold Hill has said: "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays."
After you've gotten yourself organized, made plans, started tracking, and gotten into the habit of prayer or meditation, taking action and hustling will be automatic. You'll be focused on the right thing and in the right frame of mind to actually execute.
Its good practice to do these kinds of things at the beginning of your day before your willpower depletes.
If you don't, it simply will not get done. By the end of your day, you'll be exhausted. You'll be fried. There will be a million reasons to just start tomorrow. And you will start tomorrow -- which is never.
So make your mantra: The worst comes first. Do that thing you've been needing to do. Then do it again tomorrow.
If you take just one step toward your big goals every day, you'll realize those goals weren't really far away.

Conclusion

It's really easy to get off course in life. Like airplanes, we constantly need to make course corrections.
But we can ensure we get where we want in life by organizing ourselves, planning for our future, tracking our progress, heightening our mindset, and hustling.
Do this long enough and you'll be shocked.
Go!



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